“Trump’s got gas prices down. Another win for us. Them Saudis’ll give him another plane so he can save their economy too.”
“We are living in the new Golden Age, which is black, thick, and viscous. I am a little confused, though. You see, Trump was saying how our oil will pay for his tariffs and childcare and his Obamacare-killer health plan.”
“All true so far. Where’s the confusion?”
“The price of gas is based on the price of oil, and gas is down because oil prices are down. And if oil prices are down, oil companies will have no incentive to extract oil from the ocean floor and the Arctic Wildlife Refuge and our National Parks.”
“That’s simple—Trump will pay them to extract the oil. “
“But if we’re paying them before they even pump out the oil…”
“I’m gonna stop you right there. Two ‘ifs’ too many for a Trump plan. The one and only answer is—we keep using gas. We use as much gas as we can. We pay them to extract it, we pay them to refine it, we pay to put it in our cars. We drink it if we have to. And we always top off.”
“Oh yeah… My parents used to top off. They’d pump in a little extra gas to get to an exact dollar amount. So they wouldn’t have to make change.”
“Good thing too, since Trump is saving us from the penny. But that damn deep-state mainstream-media loony-left-wing conspiracy made it a crime to top off. They took away our freedom.”
“Wow! Before today, I would have guessed we stopped topping off because we all pay with credit cards now.”
“Yes, you were stupid. But not anymore. We must all top off. It releases the Trump magic, like an inflammable overflow of gasoline that splatters all over the world.”
